Mass Journal : Hear His Voice

"Yearn to hear and follow His Voice diligently for He calls me by name"

(Jn 10:3)

E+23 : Life In Abundance

We have moved 23 days away from Easter. The season of Easter is in it's full swing. Personally for me, it has been season of spiritual growth. There is something about this season, which really makes me feel elated most of the times. 

Moving on to the liturgy of the day. The readings of the day are as follows.

First Reading: Acts 11:1-18
Gospel: John 10:1-10

  

Strangely the passage our Church has selected today is a prelude to yesterday's Gospel passage which was from John 10:11 to 18 and today we have the passage from verse 1 to 10. In a sense, today is the  prelude to what has already been read yesterday on Good Shepherd Sunday. I am not quite sure what is the reason for the choice of reason in such a way. The passage of Gospel has one of the first gospel verse that I ever memorised "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly" (Jesus in Jn 10:10). It's simple to memorise and the verse 10:10 is also hard to forget. (Unfortunately, on the whole, I have struggled with my ability to memorise scripture verses).

But the passage is very beautiful. St.John puts down the characteristics of a sheep (disciple) as laid down by the Lord. My Sheep hear my voice, they enter through Me and not through any other gate. If they enter through Me, they will be saved. For me the most challenging thing for any disciple (sheep) is to listen to the voice of the Master (Shepherd). Once we are able to discern His voice, the battle is almost won. Anyone who wishes to enter this gate is free to do so...anyone is operative word. Salvation is a free gift for the whole mankind and not just for one community. This was clearly brought out in yesterday's Gospel narrative. In the first reading, St.Peter also brings out the same message when he notices that the Holy Spirit has revealed the same truth about eating meat which were considered unclean hitherto to him as well as pagans and how when he spoke to them, the spirit fell upon them as well.

Salvation is for ALL...All one needs to be is be open.

Good Shepherd Sunday

The 4th Sunday of Easter season is celebrated as the Good Shepherd Sunday.

First Reading : Acts 4:8-12
Second Reading : 1 John 3:1-2
Gospel : John 10:11-18
 

All the readings point towards the love of God in Jesus Christ. The imagery which the Gospel especially tries to create is that of Jesus as the Good Shepherd. It is one of my favorite imagery and helps me to look at Lord as the one who protects, provides and guides me through my journey. It's so difficult for us to look at God as Father. A father who takes care of His children, a Shepherd who is ever ready to lay down His life for me. As St.John writes in this Gospel narrative in verse 12, He is not a hireling (a man who has been hired to take care of the the sheep) but instead takes his sheep as His own. A hired worker will not take the risk of being around when the wolf comes to hunt, but the good shepherd stays and fights for his sheep. That's our Lord for us. He does not abandon us , never thinks of forsaking us no matter how unfaithful a sheep, we end up being. To call Him my Shepherd, I also need to make myself His Sheep. This has to a conscious decision on my part knowing well that following Him means I will have to curb my dependence on self and grow in dependence on Him.....to lead me to greener pastures, to safer havens. The confidence that He will guide me to places which hitherto I did not fathom I could reach. It calls for unflinching, yet simple faith. Not easy when all our lives we have 'managed it on our own'. Not easy even when He is the one who is calling us personally to be His own. Something inside of us is always there to pull us back as it leads to that dreaded place called....'Complete Surrender'. 


To be a disciple is to follow the master completely, without reservations. In fact , St.John takes it to a new level...it is to be a child of God. It may also mean leaving the world ie, the things of the world and also some of the relationships of the world behind. This can be painful. But the Lord gives us hope of a gift which can only bestowed upon a disciple , more importantly , a son/daughter of God. The gift of being able to see Him face to and to know Him as He is. Oh what a gloriously beautiful prize to aspire for. (Ref 2nd reading).

In Search of Inner Child (in Dindigul) & The Curious Case of 3 Frogs

I have been inactive on the blog scene for more than a week. It was a pre-planned seminar which we attended with a lot of anticipation. It was on "Healing of Inner Child" conducted by Capuchin (OFM, Cap) priests at a place called Dindigul (TN). I was accompanied by two persons, Br.Loyola Dominic and Sr.Remedia Fernandes of CSXNRIs. CSXNRIs stands for Cloistered Sisters of Ex-NRIs (NRI stands for Non-Resident Indians). Br. Loyola had, as always, a single point agenda, namely to explore the 'famous'  local eateries. (Come to think about it, that was his inner child issue) and Sr.Fernandes, although she started in right earnest with utmost sincerity, it was not long before she followed Br.Loyola in his foodie ways. I confess, I was too hungry not to have joined them and take equal share of the blame in the crime (without any sense of remorse or guilt) .

The visit to this, almost nondescript, place called Dindigul was far from adventurous. Though, I must say we tried hard to make it so. When we reached there, Sr.Remedia pointed out if this place could be googled at all. Through out our stay, we did not lose any opportunity to pass remarks on this town and its 'small stature' ranging from jocular to downright condescending. It may not be on a backpacker's map or on the menu of a high end travel services company but I  must say that the town was not all that bad. The roads were better than Bangalore at most places. The town  area had everything which one needs to have a decent life. There was even a mall (stop blinking, its true). Because of  scorching hot climate, we slept on the terrace along with other participants and the night sky was  just amazing. Its ages since I saw so many stars (hundreds of them) up there. the air was clean and fresh and the local people least intruding or annoying (unlike city folks). The day the seminar ended, we hired a cab and went up one of the hills, which  surround the town.  I tried to strike a conversation with Cabbie so that I could share the love of Christ with him but the man was a million miles away from this 'foreign language' called English. Hindi for him, of course, was like  from a galaxy far away from our own milky way. After initial 'pleasantries' , he asked me quite confidently, "where your country?". I thought 'I mean don't I even look an Indian'. Thoroughly offended, I  allowed him to drive through the hair-pin bends and did not bother him again. Its not his fault, He will obviously prefer his local language it was I who was handicapped in reaching out to him. The place he drove us to is called Sirumalai and that was one of the high points of our visit. The hills are as high as about 1700ft above sea level  (or so our learned cabbie  informed us) and this is where it got the most adventurous. We were drove past 18 hair pin bends and many a cloud to reach the summit. Remedia was the happiest as she got to 'eat' the clouds (For some people old habits die hard). This, inspite of trying the best food which this place is famous for viz, biriyani at the (locally) famous Venu Restaurant. We later on tried the other famous biriyani joint Thalapakati Biriyani also. In my opinion, former was much better than the latter, though it is Thalapakatti which is more famous. Must say, we ate like ravenous hogs.

After reaching back home, I thought of checking this place on the internet and (eureka, eureka!! ), the search engine found it with consummate ease. Not only was Dindigul on Google, it had a dedicated page on Wikipedia also. So much for our general knowledge. I was born & brought up in the capital city of New Delhi, and now lived in another big city, Bangalore. Sr.Remedia was NRI in Gulf for a long time (hence the  choice of congregation) before moving to Bangalore and Dominic also hails from the metropolitan city of Chennai. So all of us had the big city 'pomplex' , if I may call it that. Guess what Thalapakatti Biriyani had its own portal also and so did Venu Restaurant ( www.dindigulvenubiriyani.com ). Hence proved that broadband internet had arrived at Dindigul much before 3 ignorant city bred 'frogs' landed there for a week. In Hindi, there is this term 'Kuaen Ka Maindak' (Frog living in a Well). A frog living in a Well thinks that the Well which he inhabits is the biggest, the most sophisticated place in the world simply because he has never been able to go to (or bothered to check) the world outside. We were like three frogs embarking on a journey to a place,  we had not much of an idea about and nor did we bother to learn about. I had often thought to myself how would life be in small & sleepy towns. Infact one of my dreams has always been to drive cross country with my family to small locations and to live out of makeshift tents and do unplanned explorations with my son.Well, surely some day....Amen to that!

As for the seminar, it did not have a whole lot to offer us and by the time we came back we had more questions than before. We have been in the Charismatic Renewal for so many years that The Lord has been constantly doing His healing work in us in most beautiful of ways, ways that are beyond  reason and have helped us to grow in Love for Him and neighbor. This program was all about psychology and was more to do with cause and effect of / on human behavior and how to manage them. At the same, though I can't speak for the other two but I  did, actually pick up many psychological concepts which will help me in dealing with myself and also in my ministry work.

Mass Journal : Keep His House Holy

"Cultivate a deep reverence for His house"


(Refer John 2:12 onwards)

Mass Journal : Raise The Bar

"Trust God to take me higher than what I want myself to be"

(Day's homily)

First Reading: Acts 5:34-42
Gospel: John 6:1-15

Mass Journal : Time To Expand My Expectations of Him

Recently, I heard this talk by Mathew Kelly. In it he suggests the idea of making a Mass Journal where in we jot down one most important point which struck me during Holy Mass. It could be from the readings, Gospel or the even the homily. So from today on, I will write one thing (max two) which caught my attention and  thus required me to work on a specific matter in my life.


"Expect Jesus to do much bigger things in my life. Time to expand my expectations of Him. Time to throw away my pocket version of God and start accepting Him as He really is in His true stature"



(Homily by Fr.Wilson, OFM Cap, Dindigul)



First Reading:Acts 5:27-33
Gospel: John 3:31-36

E+11: For God So Loved The World...

We have moved out of the Easter octave and are now in the second week of the season , 11 days after Easter. The  readings for daily mass continue to be from The Acts. Today the verses being  Acts 5:17-26 . The Gospel is from John 3:16-21 .  

Lets start with the Gospel passage. It starts with John 3:16 is one of the central messages of Christianity. It goes like this... "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life".... Everything else in our faith goes around this central theme which this verse attempts to bring to believers as well as non believers. As the passage goes, the apostle John, who was one of the original twelve apostles of Christ formed persoanlly by Christ Himself, describes Christ as the Light of the world and the goes on to exhort people to be in Light. It brings out the mercy of God in Christ. Verse 17 says Christ came not to condemn the world but that it might be saved. It must understood that  it is the love and mercy for God which comes out in the Christ. No where does he mention a list of do's or dont's. Just one (mandatory) requirement 'Believe and be saved'. Believe in Christ and start your jouney towards your salvation. Many Christians to this day believe that it is their efforts which will earn their salvation. Salvation is a free gift from God to the whole world. If he were to start finding faults, who could escape His judgment? None. So John's verse brings a lot of hope and encouragement for all those who, weighed down by their sins, consider themselves not worthy of God's love or atonement. Their is no sin under the sin which the Cross of Christ has not had victory over and no sinner for whom the Lord has not loved or did not shed His precious blood  for. The fact is He came only for the sinners like me & you and not for the self righteous. For the self righteous continue to believe that they are 'ok'  and directly or indirectly reject the need for a Saviour , reject Christ and thus automatically put themselves out of God's umbrella of divine mercy. And so John ends this passage stating that those who do not want to be in Light, prefer to stay in darkness and thus lose out on the  joy and the freedom of being in Light. Conversely, those who chose (it's a choice one has to make) to walk in light, the Lord ensures that their deeds are well 'wrought' (made or done in a careful or decorative way). That's His love for His people.

In first reading from The Acts (Acts 5:17-26), the apostles are arrested for proclaiming the Gospel of Christ. However, true to what today's Gospel passage above teaches, they are saved miraculously from the prison and come out of the prison. Once the guards realise that they are preaching at the temple (Jewish Synagogue), they go and bring them back again but this time, for the fear of the crowd, they ensure that they are not hurt in anyway. Thus we also find there is a link between the Gospel  & the other reading (those who believe shall be saved and their deeds shall be wrought by the Lord)..... There is undoubtedly a higher form of wisdom in the way readings and Gospel passages have been picked for daily liturgy by Church.

Of Watching Titanic in 3D With Kids & Signs Of Ageing....

Today I turn 36. Well & truly into middle age, I say. Today is also the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the 'unsinkable' Titanic. oh that great ship, which everybody thought was unsinkable. I remember watching it in 2D back in either in 1997 or 98 (depending on when it was released in India)

I first heard about the Titanic, the ship ie,  from a friend in our neighborbood back in Delhi about 22-23 years ago. He had apparently seen the first movie made on The Titanic (in black & white made back in the 50s or  so). He was able to capture my attention with his vivid description of the events that took place. I was 12 or 13 and just wondered how big the ship must have been and would shudder to imagine what all the passengers would have gone through that fateful night. Of course, since I had no other means to verify the truth of the story (mind you ,internet was still unheard of at that time), I just lapped it up. Later, we had a chapter on Titanic in our English language paper either in XIth or XIIth grade and that's when it all came alive. Ah, nothing like a well written story, I say. More so, if  it's a true and tragic one.....................

Cut to present...Early last week on Easter Monday to be precise, I took my children for the 3D version of Titanic, which has been recently released world wide. I had never seen a movie in 3D and my children never seen Titanic. I had often told them stories about 'the big ship' which hit a 'Big ice berg' and sank and went under the ocean and they just couldn't hold their excitement about going for the movie. My son, Clement (who turned 5 on tuesday), has always been into big machines. Cranes, earth movers, space ships, locomotive trains and the like. These are things which give him a high. He would always ask Sweet, innocent yet pertinent questions such as "How big can a ship be, to be called unsinkable?" or "How big and powerful can an ice berg be to sink an unsinkable ship"....I could see "WOW!!" in his eyes everytime he heard the story and I couldn't possibly complain  as I had the same questions, when I was 12 and he was barely 5. My Clare(6+) had been a bundle of excitement ever since, I told them we would go for this movie about a week earlier. One day she woke up and confessed, she was getting dreams of Titanic in her sleep for the last 2 days.

Well, finally the D-day arrived and both of them were up early, finished their breakfast in a jiffy ,as if their life depended on it (normally breakfast on holidays takes anything  from 45-min to 1 hour) and  were at their best behavior. And off we went for the movies, which is not very far, just about 15-20 min walk from our place. My main area of interest was the 3D effect, which I did not find particularly impressive. (Sorry, Mr.Cameron, I was never a tech-savvy person anyway). As for the ship, it projected the same grandeur and majesty which it had 14 odd years ago (obviously!!). Clemo yelled "Oh ship, Dada", Clare exclaimed "How big!!". Clemo was not very interested in seeing through his 3D glasses, though I ensured he had them on all through the movie. All he wanted to see was the big iceberg and the 'big collision'. And he was getting restless in the first half as the romance between Jack & Rose was blooming. Then it happenned, "Ice berg right ahead" shouted the man on the watch tower and Clement yelled "Wo raha" in Hindi, (there it is)  and then the collision. Immediately after the collision , it was the intermission and as lights came on and people started to move off their seats to take a break, thinking that movie was over Clare asked me if  we will go home now. I told her its just half the movie, the breaking of the ship right in the midle and the sinking part is still  left. And in the second half both of them watched with rapt attention....giving out loud exclamations at appropriate juncture.

   I went down the memory lane and I remembered three dialogues captured my whole imagination when I watched it first time. First, "You jump, I jump" then "I am too involved in this now" told by Jack in his conversation with Rose and lastly, "I promise, I won't let go" (Rose telling Jack who is already dead due to freezing water hanging by the wooden plank, possibly a door and then letting lose his hold on her hand 'allowing' him to drown away into the ocean). These lines had a very strong effect on me back then but now only the 3rd dialogue had a similar impact, if not the same. The first two dialogues by Jack (Leonardo Di Caprio) are said in a scene very early in the movie when Rose (Kate Winslet) is about to kill herself by jumping of the stern of the ship. I was like, 'Man,that's a hero for me'. Why does he say he wants to do that? "because he is too involved" and I would have said 'that's a brave heart. A man who is ready to put everything in line to save a stranger woman.' But things have changed, when I saw those scenes again, I just told myself, what a foolish thing to say to woman that you will jump after her. A woman who, as it is, has stopped fighting her fight anyway. and then where's the sense jumping after her. Now, I have a wife and 3 children at home to look after (besides, I still do not know how to swim). Then, I had dreams in my eyes and a romantic at heart. I still have dreams , dreams of a different kind but romantic, well that's something I do not miss being anymore. Signs of ageing, I guess. I am middle aged now........well & truly.

As for the last lines said by Rose,I was struck this time also by "I promise, I won't let go". A life boat had come back to carry the survivors and she had to catch that to survive.She had to let go of Jack and get to the boat and she fulfills the promise she had made to Jack that she will 'make her life count'. Fair enough, I said. But back then it was painful to see jack slip down into the ocean, though it did make some sense then too, it did all the more now. Yes, a middle aged man thinks differently :)

The movie ended and my Clemo ecstatically yelled out in the hall itself "maza aagaya!!" (great fun!!). Of course, post movie, new questions and 'doubts' have surfaced in their big heads especially Clare is the one who asks a lot of smart questions. "Those who did not make it to the life boats, will they be still there in the ocean or inside of a whale's or shark's tummy?" (they got this from the story of Jonnah). "How come the fish, sharks etc did not eat away the ship that is still under water?" and the funniest "Is Rose still alive" , Clemo would like to investigate, where is that 'big ice berg' which sunk the ship. "Is it still there, dada ?", he asks innocently. One thing is for sure, the effect of Titanic will not go away just like that and the Titanic will continue to stay afloat in their hearts............"and the heart will go on & ooooooooon...."

E+3: Road To Emmaus

Wednesday After Easter: Gospel Luke 24:13-35 & Reading from Acts 3:1-10 .

One of my favourite passage of Gospel. After the crucifiction of Jesus, two of His disciples dejected and depressed and are going out of Jerusalem to Emmaus. On their way two of them are met by a 'stranger whom they do not recognise'. Upon knowing that the reason for their dejection was the death of their master, a man called Jesus of Nazreth, He goes on to expound scripture and reveals the plan of God which meant that the messiah had to suffer and die on the Cross and only then be raised. He opens their minds to understand the deeper revelation of all that was their in the Scriptures. Their spirits were lifted and upon reaching their place of dwelling, they constrained this stranger to stay and the stranger obliged and entered their place. As they sat down to eat , they blessed God and broke bread and gave it to them. At this breaking of the bread, the two disciples recognised Him......... The stranger was indeed the  risen Lord and as they recognised Him, He vanished from their presence. When did He disappear?....At the breaking of the bread . Another confirmation that the Lord can manifest Himself  in His own way / is present himself in a form during the Holy Mass. Where did He go ? .....As they took the blessed & broken bread, the Lord became present in them.   I have always felt such an exhilarating experience reading this passage. Once I receive the Eucharist, the Lord becomes present in me. WoW !! . I also realised how important it is to allow the Lord to open our minds to the Scriptures, so that we understand and interpret it the right way in order to grow more in Him.

 The two of them were so filed with joy and  excitement that they immediately rose and went back to Jerusalem and told the other disciples about their encounter with the Lord. As the scripture says "....They told them (other disciples) what happened on the road to Emmaus and  that He was known to them in breaking of the bread". Again a sign of true encounter with the Lord, that once we meet Him, we can't control ourselves but just go and share this new found Love with everyone near us. Such was their excitement and yearning to tell others that these two disciples walked back to Jerusalem, which is about 7-8 Kms, the very same night. They had just walked the same distance to Emmaus but did not rest or think that they could go back the next morning. They just started immediately.

In the reading from Acts , Paul continues to walk in his new found boldness and the Spirit's anointing. He is no longer the guy who would shoot of his mouth and then run for cover. The difference this time  s the anointing of the Holy Spirit. In this passage, he and John encounter a beggar who is lame by birth and has been sitting at the temple gate for many years. They are able to heal him of his life long disability with one command in the name of Jesus. Everyone who saw it was amazed and praised the Lord....It is here Paul says those famous verses "Silver and gold I have none but I give you what I have. In the name of Jesus of Nazareth,walk ".And Paul took him by the hand and he stood up and immediately felt strength in his legs and started walking and entered into the temple leaping and praising God. All the people who knew him were amazed and filled with wonder.

E+2: Repent And Be Baptised

Tuesday after Easter Sunday:

Today's reading is a continuation of Peter's address to the Jews from Acts 2:36-41 and the Gospel is taken from Jn 20:11-18 .

The effect of Peter's address is that 3000 people are "cut to heart"  and they immediately ask Peter "what shall we do". This is so reminiscent of Peter's own words in John 6:68, when the Lord upon seeing many of his followers walking away after His teaching on Eucharist/Mass, the Lord asked Peter if he also wanted to leave Him and Peter replied "Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life". Peter's immediate response to the people was "repent and be baptised".

In the John's Gospel narrative, The Lord appears to Mary and she is unable to recognise Him untill the Lord calls her by name and then Mary is able to recognise Him. This brings out the power of the resurrected Lord, that He can hide Himself in such a manner that even though He is there, one cannot recognise him until He reveals Himself to them. Another point one needs to understand is that just because I am not able to recognise or understand Him does not mean He is not present in that form. Eucharist is a classic case in point, where no one sees Jesus in flesh & blood but He is truly present there in flesh & blood and not receiving Him is grave loss to me spiritually.The more I go In faith and receive Him in the Holy Mass , the more He reveals Himself according to His time

Easter + 1 (E+1) The New Peter

The risen Lord stayed with His apostles for 40 days after Easter before ascending into heaven and as per Church traditions 10 days later the Holy Spirit descended upon the apostles gathered around in the upper room. During these  40 days, He taught & shared more of the eternal mysteries about Himself and the salvation through Him. I think those 40 days with the risen Lord must have given them a lot of hope, conviction about following him and must have done wonders to their faith. The season, which is also known as the Paschal season, ends on the 50th day with the feast of the Pentecost. It is in the season (as also some other special occasions as baptisms etc.) the big candle which was newly (freshly) lit on Easter night vigil mass is lit during all masses till the feast of Ascension. The candle known as Paschal candle symbolises the presence of Christ as the Light of the world post His resurrection. Of all the seasons in the Church calender this is my favourite season as the thought of the risen Lord creates a lot of excitement and hope in my heart and also because of the deep meaning in the beautiful readings selected for this season by the Church.

Today's first reading is taken from Acts 2: 14,22-32 .It's taken from the part just immediately after the Pentecost and once again it's our old friend Peter. But no longer is he the impetuous and scared Peter who denied the Lord 3 times. This is the new Peter. He has witnessed the  greatest miracle of seeing the Lord, His master come back from the dead. he had seen His master being crucified and buried and then the risen Lord encountered Him and revealed Himself to him. Nothing can  make Him deny Jesus anymore. Once you taste the Lord, and know that he is the pearl of great price, nothing else in this world looks lucrative, attractive enough. It was as if he himself has been resurrected from the dead. Though he is surrounded by the same people who put the Lord to death, the fear of death no longer has any power of him. Our Peter has gone through his conversion. It's so beautifully in line with the Gospel passage of the day viz, Matt 28:8-15 , where Jesus tells them not to be afraid and to go to Galilee, where they will see Him.

In this passage from Acts Peter explains to the Jews gathered around, in no mean terms, about the revelation of God in Christ. That the man whom they crucified and buried was the same man who raised up again by the power of God and this very man was God incarnate, the messiah whom they had been waiting since the time of David and even before. How the Jews , Romans and everyone else had missed the plot completely. That Jesus is the real deals. This passage showing Peter in his post resurrection 'version' is a great place to start the Easter season leading upto Pentecost, when we will return to the same place again after 50 days.

The Lord Is Risen,The Tomb Is Empty. And That's Game, Set & Match

As dawn broke that day, two women went to the tomb to check on the Lord's body and anoint it with spices as was the jewish tradition. They saw that the tombstone was rolled off the tomb and as they entered it, they realised that the tomb was empty. Off course, their first reaction was that of trepidation and naturally so. As they came out, suddenly they saw two angels standing near them. They asked "Why do you seek the living One among the dead? He is not here, but has risen". They ran back and told the others, including the apostles. But off course, none would believe them.."Old wives' tales", they must have thought. Peter once again excited and hastens towards the tomb and to his utter joy finds it empty. he goes back rejoicing and praising God. Slowly, it starts getting clearer....all that the Lord had said ,when He was with them. Every prophesy ,which the prophets had said and each of those prophesies, now they realised had found their fulfillment in the Resurrection. What happened on Good Friday was not a tragedy after all. But just a foundation being laid for the great day that Easter was supposed to be. Victory over Sin and the eternal death caused by sin is complete now. Sealed beyond any doubt. 

For all those who were mourning two nights before have all the reasons to rejoice, for their mourning has been turned to dancing. Christ went to the dead and rose again and so shall those who die in him in ages to come until He comes in Glory. The tomb is empty and that is the testimony of our victory. The empty tomb reminds us that no matter how big our problems might be, our God is big enough to get over it. The rejuvenated apostles never looked back and went about sharing the love of God through Christ with all the zeal & courage.

Happy Easter to one and all....

A Lent That Went Awry

This was not the way I would have wished it but sadly, this is the way it ended. This lent was not exactly as successful as the last one. The resolutions which I had made, could not be kept up and there were small-small slip ups on a regular basis. So all in all, lent was a 'start-stutter-stop-start' affair.

To make it worse, it ended up in argument with a dear friend. It'd been heating up towards this for sometime now and yesterday it surfaced again. I do not think there is going to be any let up in his /her behavior, expecting it to be so, is a mistake on my part. I, on my part, will have to deal with my sin and learn to let go as quickly as possible. Being a very devout christian, he/she always apologies for his /her mistakes and not forgiving is not an option for me either so we reconciled before going for Easter vigil.

We serve a great God, who came for us and gave His life for us not because we are good, but we are sinners. So with that conviction I start my walk with Him anew in this new season of Easter, hoping to tap into the resurrection of our Lord. Surely there is hope as St.Paul says His Grace is sufficient for me in all situations.

Good Friday...The Fickle Crowd is Back

Just when one thought when this horrifying night would get over, it just kept getting longer. And one wondered when the sufferings of Jesus would come to end and hoped that may be, just may be, he could be let off with a warning or a reprimand. But if anyone thought on these lines, he had obviously not taken the prophesies recorded in The Book seriously...........  The Pasion of Our Lord Jesus had just begun.

This was not just a random confluence of many events, everything falling apart just by chance. All of this was planned by the leaders well in advance and executed in such a way that the 'accused' should not be allowed to go free , no matter what happened. After an initial interrogation, Jesus was brought before the Sanhedrin. They used all the appropriate legal procedures to proceed with the trial. Questions on the doctrines He preached and the teachings He gave were asked and the Lord gave them straight forward answers which was not exactly appreciated by the crowd gathered around including members of the council. How could they appreciate Him? After all, they had already decided on the verdict.  No matter what, this man should die or else He would grow into a much bigger problem for the whole nation...As Caiphas, the real head of the Sanhedrin, would cry out later to other members of the council, "You do not realize that it is better for you that one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish." But for some reason, these 'great leaders' of the Jewish religion did not want to sentence Him to death. 'Who wants to have the blood of an innocent man on his hands', they must have thought. They devised another plan, they thought of passing the buck on to the roman procurator, Pontius Pilate and let him at the mercy of the roman soldiers for the rest of the night, who stooped to new lows in humiliating Jesus in many a base ways.  Why should they bother, He was not one of them. Nothing like kicking around a frail man who had already decided not to resist, let alone retaliate. And thus the Passion continued...

It was morning and the procurator was mighty miffed on being dragged into this controversy. He must have thought why should he be bothered if a small time son of a carpenter claims to be the Son of God. The romans never believed in the Jewish God, let alone His Son. He found it extremely irritating to give time to such trivial affair. But the recent Jewish uprising against the roman rule was on his mind and the emperor wanted order in his province. So he decided to meet Jesus. He must have been aghast at the sight of the battered man, whom these jews considered a threat considered a threat. He found nothing wrong with Jesus and (may be to please the Jews) had Him scourged at a pillar at his courts. Lash after lash on his bare back with whips made of solid leather laced with nails, pieces of metals and stones..There was no end in sight yet to the Lord's sufferings...

The jews were not satisfied mere scourging. They wanted more. The crowds gathered around. Yes, the fickle crowd was back and this time they no longer cried "Hail Him,hail the king of Jews" they were shouting "Crucify him, Crucify him". They put a demand for the release of a zealot, responsible for a previous jewish uprising, Barabas, a murder, in place of Jesus. Pilate was soon losing interest in the whole issue and also his patience. This was an opportune time to give in to a silly demand of the Jews, if it could buy him some peace and order in the province, then why not. Who wants to risk his job , may be even lose his life. You never know with these roman emperors, if they do not like you as procurator, the next thing you find yourself in is in dungeon. The Crowds won, little did they know that they were merely playing their part in making the prophesies of old come true. Every major act of the Lord's Passion had already been written out by many prophets of the old covenant. Jesus was crucified and hung on the Cross for 3 hours before submitting His Spirit to the Father but not before crying out forgiveness for everyone involved with His death. 

Though everything was already prophesied and still continues to stay prophesied. It does not mean that I do not have choices to make. When I look back at my past life when I was working in Delhi and I take a stock of situations when I was in a position of authority and was responsible for certain decisions. Thankfully, the Lord led me into making upright decisions all the time but there was one occasion, when I felt I may have fallen to pressure of people from other functions, like Pilate did that day, I too may have thought a bit too legalistically, instead of looking at it objectively, strictly on the merits of the case, I may have been on the wrong side. I wish I could probe a bit deeper, take stronger stand and may be go against the tide on that occasion. I have since realised that walking with Jesus is mostly going to be a walk against the tide and I would be called to take a stand and hold firm to it. Unlike the crowds that historic day, I would be called to faithful and not fickle. There are always going to be people who do not like you because of your faith, always people who make fun of you even intimidate you for your stand and those are the moments of truth for my walk with the Lord and I just pray that I imitate Him and that my responses are that of love, meekness & kindness because that's what He did right till the end on the Cross.

Good Friday...Peter denies the Lord

Its very late into the night,perhaps just 2-3 hours for dawn and a few hours since the Lord was whisked away by the Roman police. No one knows clearly where they have taken Him.There is this eerie tension and a weird sense of anticipation in the air. Most of the apostles have dispersed  and are probably on the run but Peter, our impetuous friend, is still lurking around. He seems to have found a trail of the party which took the Lord away. He makes his way to the courts where they have taken him to. Peter gets a glimpse of the Lord. There are clear signs that he has been tortured and brutalised by Roman soldiers  and  is barely the man who supped with them the previous night. He soon finds out the whole deal. The Lord has indeed been arrested and is going to be tried on charges of blasphemy.

It suddenly dawns on him that the 'final' battle, the coup d'etat, which he was thinking about, the one in which the Lord's army (of his imagination) was to come and take control of Jerusalem, does not seem to be starting anytime soon. Peter is a really scared man now. He fears for his life knowing very well that now that the Man has been arrested, the romans will soon set out for all His disciples. There is no plan B either, there never was. Everything centered around Jesus and now that Hie has been neutralised (or so it seems to him ) everything is falling apart. In his fear, he  ends up denying Jesus to those who recognised him  and refuses to acknowledge his relationship with Jesus, in fact denies the fact that he knows Jesus at all ..not once but three times and then ............................

The Lord looks up at Peter and gives him that deep gaze of love most intense. Peter realises how fickle he has been. He weeps bitterly and  is filled with remorse over his own misdoing.

Just like most of the crowds in and around Jerusalem that day, just like Peter that  night , I have denied Jesus so many times. Times where I have lapped up all the accolades and compliments on my accomplishments, times when I have not been expressly grateful enough for all the mercies he has shown me, the countless favours that I have received from Him all my life, I attributed to plain  simple luck or worse on my own prowess...Times when I had an opportunity to glorify Him infront  of others but chose not to as it is 'oh so old fashioned to praise Jesus'.....fearing remarks like 'oh, why do these guys have to bring Jesus in everything' .

That night Peter feared for his life but such a risk has never come up in my life and yet I have disowned Him with scary regularity.....So much for my discipleship. And yet, even now He gazes at me with that unfailing, unflinching and unconditional love. He never stops gazing, He never stops loving...

 

Maundy Thursday...And The Lord Sups One Last Time

Two things happened that night, both unprecedented and unparalleled. To my knowledge, never in history a master has come even close to doing for his servants what the Lord did that evening in such a manner as this. 

First, He gave them a teaching on humility. Teaching, not as in a talk on humility as the teachers & preachers of present do, He literally, walked the talk and did it, if I may call it so, practically. He got up from the table, took of his outer clothing, wrapped a towel around His waist and started washing the feat of His disciples.There was this usual over exuberance from Peter as he stopped the Lord from washing his feet as he thought it was stretching things a bit too far. The Lord would have none of it and rebuking him in His own way, He continued on this great act of service. He would later ask them, if they really understood the real implication of what he had just done.

  "When he had washed their feet, and taken his garments, and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you know what I have done to you?  You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them .......(John 13:12-17, RSV).

Today, as a part of Maundy Thursday celebrations in our mission, we enacted the washing of the feet. We first started with the spouses washing each others' feet and asking forgiveness for all the wrongs which one  may have caused to the other. By the time it was over each adult member had washed the feet of everyone else in the mission and asked forgiveness from everyone else. It was a beautiful experience and brought about a lot of healing in individual relationships but also in building the community, as a whole.

Washing the feet of anyone, let alone someone 'lower' than me? Unthinkable! Yes, almost. Thankfully, the Lord has been able to penetrate me a wee bit, for me to come out of it (only just a bit, though).It's not just the literal act that is called for (as it may not even be relevant in most situations) but it's the act of dying to my  pride which makes it painful and I must say, I still miss out on about 60-65% of the opportunities of  'dying' which come my way. Still a plenty of work to be done there.........actually , more than plenty.

Second, He instituted the sacrament of Eucharist. In other words, he gave up his own body and precious blood for our consumption so that in receiving Him, we would not only be saved but also change into Him, one day. All this He did out of nothing but sheer love. God giving up Himself for His precious people. To some it was so abominable even in those days so as to walk away from Him, as "this teaching was too difficult for them".

But the way some of us approach this most blessed sacrament today, an approach fraught with utter callousness and indifference is even more painful to watch. "You become what you eat" is a thought process which is accepted in both western and eastern cultures (and also in other religions) and the early  Church was blessed and anointed enough to accept this teaching and it soon became not just a way of life for them but also became integral to their worship. Yes, the Holy Eucharist, has been a central  point of worship since the time of  the early Christians and has been passed on from generation to generation to this day 2000 years on.
I wonder then, On one side there are many people who do not have much reverence for the blessed Sacrament and then  there is a section which, due to lack of proper instruction and/or lack of interest in learning more about this most beautiful aspect of our faith, is not sure if it is indeed the real presence of Christ in the Sacrament which they are receiving. And on the other side, there is me, who goes for Mass and receives the Lord in Communion daily, having absolutely no doubt whatsoever Who I am receiving and yet I ask myself, how at times, although I am going out of my volition, I fail to be diligent enough while receiving Him. How at times my mind wanders into thinking about the trivialities of life where as I  should be focused on how best to receive Him and How best to accept Him and which area of my sin most to apply Him to. I  too fall prey to the rut of the routine.

 

Once I realise that  I need a saviour, Christianity is not exactly a very complicated religion to follow or practice and to get to the depths of it one has to just master a few critical  areas viz, Love & forgiveness, I  start practicing these in my day to day walk and sure enough I am on my way..Complicated? No, but not easy either. Boy, it is mighty difficult to get a handle on these two areas as it is not just love and forgiving according to my whim , fancy and convenience.It is loving like Christ did , forgiving like He did on the Cross. Love is not an emotion or feeling as popular culture tries to drill down our collective conscience, it is a decision.


Yes, it is so very painful indeed to humble myself infront of people who do not have any, let alone love, but even the scantest of respect for me. But that's what I am called to do. Both love and forgiveness are not optional. Two years of living in community has  helped me slowly , very slowly to start internalising this truth in myself. I just pray that I do not lose my way again.

And thus The Lord having shared Himself with His chosen ones, moved out of the room and prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, very much mindful of the fact of Judas, one of His chosen one, had already hatched a plan to turn Him over to the Jewsish pharisees and the Romans, for all but 30 pieces of silver. And this is exactly what happened. As He prayed and the other disciples slept, Judas came and gave  a kiss of betrayal on the Lord's cheek and the soldiers taking that as a sign, arrested Him. A mild melee ensued, thanks to once again, Peter's impetuous nature but The Lord was in complete control. He asked the soldiers to let go of His disciples and arrest only the one they came for.....HIM. He took Him away.

Palm Sunday : First Hail Him... Then Nail Him

The Sunday before Easter is celebrated as Palm Sunday. The day when The Lord entered Jerusalem city with a lot of fanfare. Yes, it looked like the end which the apostles were dreaming about . They must have thought, it's just about to happen....the battle for which they had, oh so incorrectly , thought the Lord  had come. Peter must have thought "This is it. time to use my sword to its best use at last." It is probable, they must have thought it is the time take over of Jerusalem by force... a coup d'etat perhaps. How glorious, how macho...how fitting an end to the 3year long preparation for the great climax. The people of Jerusalem were rejoicing at the triumphant entry of the man who had by his radical teachings on religion & faith and not to mention by the many miracles of healing , had won their hearts. The Lord, as he entered the city, was welcomed by people with palm leaves laid out on His way. Palm leaves symbolised victory and goodness, another sign that people actually thought that the Lord would now lead them to freedom against the tyranny of Roman rule and free the Jews, just like their forefather Moses had brought them into freedom from slavery at the hands of the Egyptian Pharaoh about 2000 years earlier. Yes. All they expected was freedom from a form of oppression. Sin!! well,sin had nothing to do with it. They could not have been sinful for sure, after all, they were 'The Jews', the chosen people. Sin had its hold only pagans. Right?.....How self righteous, shallow and low was their expectation. All of this, just as the whole plan of salvation, was already prophesied by a prophet, in this case, Prophet Zechariah. It seemed that people did not really take note of these prophesies much until after the resurrection of the Lord on Easter Sunday.

And so the procession went on, singing "Hosanna to the Most High" , "Blessed is the one who come in the Lord" and "Hail Him, hail Him". The Lord alone knew what twists in the plot were in store for them in the coming days and knowing very well that the same crowd which were exalting Him now by singing "Hail Him, hail him" would be shouting "Nail Him, Nail Him" in just a matter of few days. He knew what they were thinking but He knew He had a job to do, a task to finish  and  he moved on without complaining , going through the various stages of the plan of salvation which His Father had written for the whole world. 

How fickle crowds can be. In contemporary world you often see the likes of artists and sportsmen going through this phase of being lifted up high as demi gods one day and another day they are brought down to earth, leaving them thinking what did they do so wrong as to receive that kind of treatment. Yes, that's how fickle crowds can be. Sure, times may have changed since roman empire of the yore but crowds, they remain exactly the same.......

And need I state the obvious that I am also a part of the same fickle crowd.

To be contd.....more on the fickle crowd.