One Day @ A Time: Of Kissing Lepers And Failing St.Francis...

Today was my tryst with inner self, one of those moments when I come face to face with my sin.

After Mass, I went to spend some time in Adoration chapel. I must have been in prayer for not more than 15 minutes, when I noticed from the corner of my eyes that a man had knelt down (not very close to me) a couple of feet away from where I sat (I was sitting in the front pew and he was outside it). I was distracted by his awkward limb movements and could just about gauge that he was not finding it easy to kneel/sit on the floor. I looked to my side and was a startled to see his face. He was a leper. The infection was not in an advanced stage nor was he as grotesque as some of them look, I thought and yet it invoked the strangest of feelings...predominantly a kind of fear, may be discomfort as well. And though he was at a 'safe' distance, I do not know why I felt like that. The immediate (selfish) thoughts which came into my head simultaneously were "how could such a man be allowed to enter the chapel?", "What is the guard, who sits at the Church gates, doing?", "after all the chapel needs to be kept clean". And then it struck me like a lightening from above. Here I was praying to the God who healed lepers and made them clean, and the same God ate with sinners, was merciful to prostitutes and tax collectors and then I see this leper from a distance inside the same God's house and start having all these weird feelings. I thought to myself, "By the way, how clean am I myself ?". I was reminded of the fact that I am as dirty on the inside as a leper may be on the outside (may be even dirtier). If Jesus were to have the same 'thoughts' as I had about that man, where would I stand? Perhaps, I wouldn't even be allowed to enter the threshold of the chapel. I came face to face with my wretchedness. It was not long before he left and I started reflecting on the story of St.Francis' encounter with leper. How his revulsion towards lepers changed completely after his encounter with the Lord. So much so, that one day he got down from his horse and kissed a leper, who hitherto made him run way in aversion. Actually, it was a bit shamefully embarrassing for me who has been so much influenced in so many areas by the life of this great man of God. I wonder what was the stuff which people like St.Francis and Mother Teresa were made of to reach such great heights in their pursuit of holiness. They are true giants of our faith, beacons in these times of darkness, who shed light of Jesus on us and lead us toward Him. Two things were clear (though not for the first time, I must say). First, I need to pray more to have that Franciscan simplicity in dealing with various life situations and second, my conversion is far from complete.